Have you ever had a day on which, in hindsight (or foresight for you lucky ones), it was just a Very Bad Idea to even wake up? Even worse is when, coupled with that, it's a day on which you are literally afraid to go to bed. Not because some evil monster is going to jump out from the closet or under your bed to get you. Oh no. Because the evil monster already lives inside you. Eating away at your sanity constantly any time you don't have some sort of distraction going. Which is exactly what happens when you're trying to sleep. It's dark. Quiet. No distractions whatsoever. So you're stuck there with your thoughts. Nagging thoughts that won't go away. Nagging thoughts about the future that haunt you more than any ghost could ever dream of doing. No, you see, you can exorcise a ghost. Not so with these thoughts. They won't go away. You're stuck with them.
So you're stuck with these thoughts. They routinely keep you up way past when you should go to bed. You haven't slept more than four hours per night for the past few nights. (You can't remember exactly how many nights.) And it feels like when the beautiful oblivion of sleep finally takes you over, your alarm goes off, screaming at you to wake up. You hit the off button. You lay there for an hour or more, trying to return to the most serene void of sleep, but it's all in vain. Finally you decide to get up. You wish you could walk around feeling numb all day, but numb is too much to ask. No, you're stuck with your nagging thoughts any time durng the day that you don't have any sort of distraction. So you keep the TV on all day. You read while watching the TV. All that is just enough to keep your nagging thoughts out of your head. But if you remove your concentration from either one of those things for just a split second, the thoughts flood back into your mind.
You have someone you want to talk to. Someone who you know could make you feel better. But they've been avoiding you for the better part of two weeks, only chiming in every once in a while for one of two purposes. The first is to inform you that they've found yet another way to avoid you (even though they don't say flat out that they're avoiding you... they tell you they're going out with friends). The second comes when they feel incredibly guilty about avoiding you, so they call you up, and you spend an hour on the phone, but you only talk for about 5 minutes. The rest of the time is silence.
The worst part is that your whole situation has been brought on by a similar situation for the person that's avoiding you. You ask them to talk to you about it, but they refuse. The few times you've brought it up, you talked for a few minutes without response from them, then, finally, they something. Something to the effect of "I'm going to go to bed now. You should do the same".
You would, but as soon as you try to, the haunting thoughts return.
And that's why getting out of bed has been the wrong idea.